Better Conversations Create Better Relationships

Posted on February 2, 2012 by savi0043

Better Conversations Create Better Relationships
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Maureen_C_Collins]Maureen C Collins

Summary
The diverse, democratic societies of today require communication that is more thoughtful, tolerant of difference and open to negotiated solutions. Communications technology has got smarter, but our communication is less effective than ever.

In Business Day, 25 January 2012, Bobby Godsell writes that successful societies in the 21st century need rapid and sustained economic growth, combined with effective social cohesion. This is true wealth, unlike the wealth that took us into the economic implosion of 2008/9.

Social cohesion starts with individuals and the way they relate to each other.

Personal success used to come from being clever, being right, and being able to push others to agree with your point of view or action plan. In families, social groups, organizations and governments, people used power and control to get things done. There was little real personal or social cohesion. When you’ve got power, you don’t have to worry too much about creating it.

It doesn’t work like that any longer: today, no-one can have it all their own way. Today’s society is democratic, as well as socially and culturally diverse. The most successful people will be those who are able to find common goals and help people listen openly to various points of view; then negotiate solutions and obtain real commitment to action.

The stakes are high; the potential for at best, disagreement and at worst outright conflict, is enormous. If ever we needed all the emotional intelligence we can muster, it is now. Good relationships are vital; between individuals, within groups, and across continents. It’s not to say that having personal characteristics such as intelligence, technical ability, creativity, and perseverance are unimportant. They still matter. What is undeniable is that the effectiveness with which we are able to apply these characteristics depends more and more on how well we build relationships and work with others.

Relationships are built conversation by conversation. They take place between individuals, often in groups, increasingly in writing. The quality of the conversations determines the quality of the relationships.

You would think that as communications technology gets better and faster the quality of our communication would improve. In practice it seems to be having the opposite effect. We’re becoming more adept at uploading, messaging, networking and typing with our thumbs. But while we communicate more widely, we do so less thoughtfully. We use electronic mail and messaging instead of taking time to meet with people. And there’s so much of it, often going on simultaneously, that almost nothing gets our full attention.

It’s no better when it comes to the content of what we communicate. We continue to cling to old familiar styles. We go into conversations knowing that we know what is going on, what is right, what is wrong, and what we want other people to do to fix it. We tune out or shut down the contrary opinions of others and then use persuasion, power, and if necessary threats, to get our own way.

The outcomes are predictable. Arguments become endless, but they resolve nothing and relationships are damaged. Eventually, people shut down and opt out. We mistake their compliance for commitment and then wonder why, a little way down the track, we’re back where we started.

If we continue communicating like this, we’ll have even poorer relationships and the notion of a cohesive society will be farther away than ever.

Maureen Collins has a B.Sc. degree in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of management and consulting experience in the corporate world. She specialises in communication skills in various contexts: leading and managing, teambuilding, handling change, and performance management. Her consulting practice, Straight Talk, trains people in the skills to handle difficult conversations, on difficult topics, with difficult people.

Read more on http://www.straight-talk.co.za

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Better-Conversations-Create-Better-Relationships&id=6853413] Better Conversations Create Better Relationships

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How Often Do You Say Yes When You Mean No?

Posted on February 2, 2012 by savi0043

How Often Do You Say Yes When You Mean No?
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Maureen_C_Collins]Maureen C Collins

We say yes when we really want to say no because we fear that others will criticise us for being selfish, uncaring or unhelpful. We say yes to hold onto the illusion that we can be there for everyone, the dependable fall-back in every crisis, the perfect employee, perfect friend and perfect partner. We say yes to others when we don’t give our personal needs and dreams the respect and priority they deserve, and end up sacrificing our self-respect to gain the approval.

The consequence is that we do things we don’t enjoy with people we don’t like; we put ourselves out for people who don’t appreciate our efforts; and we spend our time on their wants and demands when we could be pursuing our own needs.

Playing nice to gain approval comes with a downside. You have no time or energy left to follow your own dreams or desires, if you could even remember what they were. You feel bitter and resentful about the lack of appreciation from those you have helped, and as your true feelings start to show, you become negative, critical and even spiteful. Your self- esteem drops further and your stress level rises. Depression and physical health issues are sure to follow.

Being able to say no is one of the most important skills you need to keep yourself in a good space. It helps you get a life. It’s the way you do it that matters. Use the acronym CARE to organise it properly.

C is for clear
Start by finding out exactly what the other person wants from you. Ask for the details of what, when, who, why and how much. Make sure you are clear about what you are getting into.

A is for acknowledge
Acknowledge the request. Make sure the person knows you have heard and understood what they want, and that you are in a position to consider it fairly. It means that if you decide to turn it down they can be reassured you have not done so thoughtlessly or without listening. You might say, ‘So let me check. You want me to…’ or ‘Okay, you’re asking if I can…is that right?’

R is for recognise
Before you make your decision, stop and recognise your own needs, resources and skills, constraints and priorities. Do you really have time for this? Do you have the skill to do it? Would you enjoy doing it or is it something you dislike? If someone wants to push you into doing something that suits them but not you, be prepared for them to pressurise you to agree immediately. Don’t be afraid to take time to make a decision that is good for you.

E is for effect
Think through the effect of your decision. If you say no, will it have a negative effect on an important relationship or your career? Will you become stressed and exhausted or will the request fit easily into your schedule? Decisions have both short and long term effects. Think of both before you make up your mind.

Finally, when you decide to say no, first explain what you have considered in arriving at your decision. Be brief. Be honest. Don’t apologise and don’t explain unnecessarily. Simply allow the other person to see that you have made your decision thoughtfully and carefully.

They might wish you had said yes and been a pushover, but if they have any care for you at all, they will respect your decision and the way you made it. Sometimes you may be able to offer a compromise. If not, simply say you cannot help.

Think of all the times that saying yes got you into stressful situations that were beyond your capabilities and responsibilities or not in your best interests. Next time, try saying no and notice the positive effect it has on your stress level.

Maureen Collins has a B.Sc. degree in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of management and consulting experience in the corporate world. She specialises in communication skills in various contexts: leading and managing, team building, handling change, and performance management. Her consulting practice, Straight Talk, trains people in the skills to handle difficult conversations, on difficult topics, with difficult people. Read more on http://www.straight-talk.co.za

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?How-Often-Do-You-Say-Yes-When-You-Mean-No?&id=6853444] How Often Do You Say Yes When You Mean No?

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7 Great Tips to Help You Become the Perfect Hostess

Posted on February 2, 2012 by savi0043

7 Great Tips to Help You Become the Perfect Hostess
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=M_Hammersley]M Hammersley

Have you ever been to a home where you didn’t seem welcome? Your friends or family may have invited you over for a nice outdoor dinner, but once you arrived, the dinner was anything but nice. You could feel the tension in the air, so thick you could cut it with a knife. Dinner was on the stove and you were left twiddling your thumbs waiting for it to be done. And once it was, you sat down at the outdoor dining table and ate it as quickly as possible so you could escape the sugar-covered snide remarks about who accidentally let the potatoes burn.

As you were walking out the door, you might have promised yourself that you would never make your guests feel that way. However, becoming the perfect hostess isn’t as easy as you might think. It involves a lot of preparation and attention to detail.

Becoming a Great Hostess

If you want to be a great hostess, you have to think ahead. Here are a few tips for how to make your guests feel comfortable and welcome in your home.

Furniture- Before you invite guests to your home, it is important that you ensure you not only have enough furniture for them to sit on, but also that it is comfortable. If you plan on having an outdoor dinner in your backyard, be sure to only invite as many guests as can sit around your outdoor dining table. Choose some outdoor wicker furniture, like loveseats or sofas, for your guests to sit on once the meal is complete. Rattan furniture and wicker furniture is very comfortable, so your guests will feel more at home and won’t rush out the moment they are done eating.

Pre-Arrival- Before your guests are scheduled to arrive, make sure you have your house clean and food prepared. Once they arrive, your focus should be entirely on them. You shouldn’t have to move the laundry off of the couch or still be running around in the kitchen.

Dinner-When planning dinner, make sure you take into account the foods your guests do and do not like. Do they have a favourite dish? Are they vegetarians? Are they allergic to certain foods? If you want keep your guests from driving straight from your home to the nearest fast food restaurant, these questions are important.

Arrival- Once your guests arrive, greet them at the door with a smile. If you are good friends, you can also greet them with a hug. Let them know how happy you are they came. Sit down with them and allow yourself to enjoy their company. You should offer them something to drink, but don’t run off right away to put all of the food on the table. This can make them feel like they are being rushed through dinner and that you want them to leave as soon as possible.

Discussions- While they are sitting around the outdoor dining table for dinner or sitting on the comfortable wicker furniture after the meal has ended, be sure that all discussions are light. Don’t talk about serious issues or argue with your spouse. Avoid any discussion that may make your guest feel uncomfortable.

Focus-Focus all of your time and energy on your guests while they are in your backyard retreat. If you need to put food away, stick it in the fridge and clean up any messes later. This is the time for you to enjoy your guests; you have the rest of your life to clean. Also, never have your guests help you clean up after the meal.

Goodbyes- When it is time to say goodbye to your guests, let their last memory of you be a smile. If you can, stand on your front porch as see them off as they drive away. This small gesture will let them know they are important to you.

If you want to be the perfect hostess, make sure you have the appropriate wicker furniture for your guests to sit on, keep your focus on them, and discuss only appropriate subjects while sitting around your outdoor dining table for dinner. Let them know you truly enjoy having them to your home, and they are sure to come back.

The Outdoor Furniture Shop is your place for beautiful and contemporary synthetic wicker furniture. Whether you are looking for an outdoor dining set, a chaise lounge, an upscale wicker daybed, or sectional seating, perfect for a cozy conversation area, The Outdoor Furniture Shop has exactly what you are looking for.

All of our [http://www.outdoor-furniture-shop.com/outdoor-dining.html]outdoor dining furniture is manufactured to commercial grade standards, is elegant in appearance yet highly functional and resistant to the elements. Visit our website today and explore the options in outdoor luxury.

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?7-Great-Tips-to-Help-You-Become-the-Perfect-Hostess&id=6855025] 7 Great Tips to Help You Become the Perfect Hostess

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How to Use The mind to Influence Your Body

Posted on January 30, 2012 by savi0043

How to Use Your Mind to Influence Your Body and Vice-Versa – Part I
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Sabine_Green]Sabine Green

A recent article about the mind-body connection made me think. In this study, researchers have been able to show a link between doing some yoga (poses and meditation) and improving a very physical symptom (Atrial fibrillation).

As an acupuncturist, this sounds obvious to me. Emotions, mind, the physical body, all this is connected together and part of the same entity. But what are the implications of that idea?

Most people know that when they are stressed, one of their complains can get worse. Some people suddenly get very bad tummy aches and diarrhoea just before doing an important talk.

Some patients know that when they are stressed their IBS is getting worse, others that they are getting more headaches.

But this is not just about stress. One patient was having very bad skin problems which started just after the death of her husband. Her grief had weakened the Lungs which also control the skin (or in other words, the skin and the emotion grief are related to the same organ in Chinese Medicine). This other person stops eating when she is worried (worry is linked with the digestive system).

There are countless more examples.

What a lot of people haven’t realised is that it is also working the other way around. If you can calm your mind and your emotions, you can also help very physical complaints.

What does it mean practically?

Very simply that by taking care of our emotional wellbeing, we can help our physical complaints.

Now the article I was reading was talking about yoga and meditation. Whilst this is certainly one way to calm the mind, I know of few people that will entertain the idea of doing half an hour meditation every day. Doing some yoga isn’t always everybody’s cup of tea either. And it certainly doesn’t have to.

It is about listening to some music and truly enjoying it, really listening to it instead of merely having it in the background whilst thinking about whatever is going on in our life. It’s about taking some time to do some gardening. Or singing or doing some cross-stitch. Or walking the dog late at night.

It is about taking time to go back within, a Yin activity, switching of from our busy lives that are all about ‘doing things’ (a very Yang activity).

We all need some time for ourselves when we can stop doing things, thinking and planning. And we all have an idea of what would be a nice way to do it.

So book some time with yourself for that special activity. Plan in your day that you will walk the dog before breakfast time. Write in your diary ‘Wednesday 6.00pm choir’ or ‘Saturday afternoon, gardening’. You might be surprised by the effect it can have on your body (and mind!).

Sabine Green is an acupuncturist working in Stockton on Tees (UK). She is a member of the British Acupuncture Council. To find out more about what acupuncture can do for you, just go on to http://www.sabine-acupuncture.co.uk

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?How-to-Use-Your-Mind-to-Influence-Your-Body-and-Vice-Versa—Part-I&id=6829996] How to Use Your Mind to Influence Your Body and Vice-Versa – Part I

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Posted on January 26, 2012 by savi0043




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